Are You Compatible?
How Birth Order Affects Us
Dr. Kevin Leman has based his whole professional life on working with couples make their marriages work and raising their children in a loving and nurturing environment. He is a follower of Alfred Adler’s work, using the birth-order method to help people understand where they fit in the family unit and also how it will affect the person they eventually become. While no one can predict how a person will develop, we all know that the family unit is unique to each person, they are the most influential on our lives, and there are many things that influence us that simply cannot be controlled.
Kevin Leman came up with three sets of characteristics that are indicative to where you are born. These are tendencies only, not hard rules, and many things still influence it. One of the biggest influences is spacing between the children. A large space between siblings could have families with two children showing traits of the first born. Also, gender can shift some of the tendencies only because of work or chores that are assigned to them as they grow up. Lastly, physical attributes and multiple births can also affect the traits children will develop.
The perfectionist is reliable, organized, serious, critical and scholarly. These characteristics are usually associated with the first born or an only child and it doesn’t matter if they child is male or female. Firstborns are usually highly motivated, excel at jobs and careers that test their mental discipline, and are in positions of leadership. These children are the ones parents cut their teeth on and are usually the ones under the most pressure to succeed. Only children share the same traits as firstborns but they are sometimes expected to be little adults as well. This child will go one of two ways: the one who has to save the world, or the one who doesn’t tolerate mistakes.
The mediator is the independent one, loyal to an extreme, has a killer social life, hates conflicts, and for some reason has the least amount of picture in the family photo album. Say hello to middle children. Theses children can really go either way in being a true mediator or avoiding all the conflicts all together. They are the mercurial ones and probably the hardest to pin down with this formula. These children look up to their older siblings and will compete with them if they can. Middle-born children born with years between them and the older sibling are the one that will develop their own way and surprise everyone. The middle child always feels like they are in competition with their older and younger siblings and their friendships become highly valued.
The youngest children are the charming manipulators who are good with people, tend to show off a bit and highly precocious. They are also affectionate, like to keep things simple and can be a bit spacey at times. They can be carefree, but this tends to make them rebellious, spoiled, impatient, impetuous, and temperamental. They are also the ones constantly being picked on by their older siblings and feel like the world hates them. The last-born, if there are significant years between them and the middle child, can also have a lot of first-born tendencies. These children turn out to be strong with a carefree look on life.
About the Author
Garret Bolthouse is the author of this article on Dr. Kevin Leman. Find more information about Kevin Leman here.
Your can use this article in your website but you must keep all the links in it.
by: Garret Bolthouse50
Date: Apr 23rd 2008 | Words: 578 | Viewed: 11 times | Rating: Not yet rated
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